A short catch-up

It’s been a long while since I blogged, and much has happened! Getting all involved in different kinds of projects and programmes, participating in competitions all over the place and running around organising events.. the first quarter of 2012 has proven to be a pretty one for me!

The call for excellent time management skills has never been greater for me, and the amount of stress I have been facing is definitely up to a level I have never experienced before. Holding multiple portfolios in various youth organisations and project committees is no joke when you have to sit through endless meetings, sift through countless proposals, and embracing the joy of having one entire day without any new emails. This, on top of excelling in my studies and maintaining school commitments. Of course there are perks, such as getting to see the happy faces of children that your programme benefited and eating scrumptious food at gala dinners. My passion has always been directed towards helping others and the community, and whilst I may complain and be irritated in the process of writing proposals and concept papers, it is momentary and minimal as compared to the fulfillment I have in myself when I know how much I have done and contributed.

I guess the flurries in life constantly presses and pushes you to always out-perform yourself. But each person only has 24 hours a day, and no matter how much I tell myself that I am awesome and am able to balance everything out, I have to face the truth that I do have a limit after all. I’m pretty sure that my limit is very high, that I am able to do more things in a day than what others can accomplish in a week, but the fact remains that I may be out-doing myself here. Most of my school days were spent on projects after projects and reviews after reviews, plenty of nights with a cup of coffee beside me and backlit keyboard to accompany me. I found myself the day before my final-year examinations with a mind completely blank of whatever was taught within the semester. Of course, this is credited to the fact that I sleep during lessons because of ‘coffee-endurance nights’. While I’m pretty sure I still aced my examinations, it was a real wake-up call for me. This is definitely not how I would want to lead my life.

I went home thinking about what I really wanted out of my life. It’s surprising how all my contributions seem to pale into the backdrop when I start missing out on simple things. Things like going to church and enjoying cell group, hanging out with classmates, eating dinner with my family.. these were all things I rarely had the chance to do with my crazy hectic life. I had to resort to writing my sister a letter on her birthday because I couldn’t be there with her. I most definitely hadn’t bonded with any of my classmates because I’m rarely in class to begin with. I skip church regularly because most events always occur on weekends. Simple joys in life that I had to forgo once in a while, and ever more with growing commitments. It was like imaging each part of my life as an egg. As I took up a new egg, I would be passionate in seeing the egg hatch, and putting in the time and energy to ensure it hatches properly in a perfect condition. But as I took up more and more eggs, I became too concerned with juggling the eggs instead of the welfare of each individual egg.

I was really struggling with what was wrong in my life, as to how I couldn’t seem to balance my faith, studies, passions and relationships despite my capabilities. And it was really tearing me apart, because I couldn’t stand sacrificing any one of them. My responsibilities and duties became burdens suddenly, and I was affecting those around me with my negative emotions.

But I suppose it is always in moments like these when I get a whole clearer picture in my mind, a huge revelation. The last time I encountered it, it changed my life from a literal wreckage to the respected crazy guy I am now in many communities. And the revelation this time round was simple, that I didn’t necessarily have to balance everything in my life if they were one. Being passionate about serving the community does not equate to joining the grassroots, and one might argue that it is in effect quite the opposite. Creating awareness of water wastage can be done without presenting it as a project to youth organisations with resources. The key idea here is to find just one avenue in which I can accomplish everything, and hinge my life onto it. My passions, my relationships.. everything in life. But of course, having a revelation is one thing. Making the decision to take action and alter what you are used to is another thing, and sustaining that alteration is yet another thing altogether.

I love embarking on these life-changing decisions. I have ride out one big set of challenges, and now I face the next set armed with an array of experiences and skills acquired beforehand. It’s how we constantly improve ourselves, it’s how we make life exciting for ourselves!

18th Birthday

I’m 18 years old now. It’s what many call the age of maturity, where one should be able to reason out and rationalize for himself the decisions that he make and the path he sets forth for himself. To me, it represents a lot more. Not just the fact that I am now empowered by the law to have the right to do certain more things, but instead the fact that I am now accountable for myself to a higher degree. There once was a time in my youthful days when I faced the reality of celebrating my 18th birthday in prison, and also a time when I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it past 18 at all. Reflecting back from where I stand today as a young adult, I see hurt, pain and betrayal all mixed up in my life. I see the anguish that I went through to make me who I am today, and it was only after then could I really appreciate the true values of love, grace and humility.

Turning 18 does give me obvious lawful rights, such as the right to smoke, buy and consume alcohol, right to sex, right to marriage, so on and so forth. Definitely more power to spice up my social life a lot more when I go partying wildly. Of course the responsibility to use these rights properly to my best interest is also entrusted upon me, and that’s part of making one seem to feel more like an adult with these kinds of legitimization. However, I believe that looking past those additional rights, there is a lot more to what I should gear up for after passing this particular age milestone.

Turning eighteen makes me look back on my past six years since primary school and realize how much I’ve grown in many areas, be it physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually.. I guess it’s all part and parcel of growing up. No doubt, I’ve had an exciting teenage years, going through an elite education system while struggling to emerge out differently from the crowd, and then pulled right into reality where I had to experience what most of my other friends were going through without having any advantage in terms of reputation at all. Then again, I’m pretty pleased with the way my life turned out to be. It taught me lessons on responsibility, leadership, accountability, fidelity and ultimately how to reach the full potential of who I can be. I’m glad in some sense that I grew up the way I did, enabling me to have an extra edge over people around me, having that extra knowledge of how it really feels to be in the shoes of others and to really understand others’ emotions.

I didn’t see the need to publicize my birthday this year, and it brought me lots of joy to know that I have friends who actually remember my birthday by heart. Friends who do not require a birthday reminder from Facebook to know that I’m turning eighteen. Friends who know how much birthdays mean to me and how much I value friendship. Receiving massive-long messages on how much I have impacted and changed their lives does bring me close to tears, no matter how unemotional I always seem to be. Friends who really know that I love them as much as I could possibly love anyone. Perhaps this is just about how I’ve grown from being a stony-heart jackass to a sentimental dude, that I seem to genuinely care about my friends and family more than just receiving as many birthday wishes I could probably get and showing off to everyone how famous I am.

Recently I’ve gotten back to blog-hopping, focusing on old-time favourite blogs in which the writers are always so reflective, inspirational and philosophical, and one very simple phrase struck me: “Social capital is more worthy than that of material capital.” It made me question my social capital, on how I feel both enlightened and burdened by it. Relations that are heavy to carry due to commitment and reliance sometimes do make me want to just throw it away and carry on with my own personal life and achieving material growth. But it always falls back to the same question of “to what ends?” To what ends would material capital bring to me? Would I rather have a brand-new car at the age of nineteen, or having friends whom I know are indispensable? Both social and material growth require time, and one only has so much time. I guess that’s also the main reason why I didn’t see the need to do a birthday wish-list as well, that I didn’t want my birthday to be treated as just another day of getting items which I want, but to me a birthday is a day where I just await presents which come from the giver’s heart. Presents which do not need to be of material worth, but of thoughtful value. I have not been disappointed this birthday, with a few friends bringing me surprises and love.

How my life turns out from henceforth, I have a pretty good sense of it. But if nothing, this birthday has taught me on how much I really love the people around me, and also on how much they love me.

Forty

It rained 40 days when God was cleansing the generation, the flood stayed on earth for 40 days, Noah waited for another 40 days when the waters were subsiding before sending out the raven and dove, Moses was sustained on Mount Sinai for 40 days, the Israelites walked for 40 years in the wilderness , the Israelites spies took 40 days to search Canaan, Goliath waited 40 days on the battlefield, David Solomon and Joash each ruled Israel for 40 years, Elijah went without a single meal for 40 days to reach Mount Horeb, the people of Nineveh repented for 40 days after Jonah’s warning, Jesus fasted for 40 days in the wilderness when he was baptised, Jesus was seen over a period of 40 days after his crucifixion.

Appearing here and there in the bible, these periods of forty represent significant changes and transformation throughout the course of history. Throughout these periods, God reveals Himself as one waits upon Him. Moses had a nice little chat with Him on the mountain, David was seeking God as to whether he should battle the giant oa, Elijah got superhuman stomach strength to reach his destination and Jesus hung on to Him while the tempter did his job. Forty forty forty forty forty.. It emanates a sense of holiness and righteousness, of leadership and wisdom, of courage and discipline.

On this principle of faith where we wait upon the Lord, my church embarks on the ’40 Days of Prayer and Fasting’, in which each member of the church is strongly encouraged to pray and fast daily for the next 40 days to seek God’s face not only for ourselves, but for family members and even the pre-believers. As power prayers are both physically and mentally tiring, coupled with fasting from meals, the 40 days will be both a trial of our faith in God as well as preparation for what God has in store for us. God always has a surprise for those who wait upon Him, and you can bet it’s gonna be a big pleasant surprise

I’ve decided to take this 40dopf seriously, mainly because I want to see a change in my walk with God. I’m starting to sense a growing need and desperation for me to depend on Him, tap on His strength, rely on His power, smile in His presence, immerse in His grace.. basically relishing my relationship with Him. Such a need arises from the many commitments that I’m being constantly thrown with, and the number of these responsibilities are constantly increasing, never decreasing. I’m not complaining about having more things to do, in fact I’m loving the fact that I am accomplishing so much and changing the people around me bit by bit. But in all these I do, I do to glorify God, and I can only do that by His strength. There is completely no way I can do all these by my strength alone. I desire the amazing recuperative power of some evangelists, the wisdom of some preachers, the ability to hear God clearly like some pastors.. all these I desire, but not more than what I desire for what God wants to do with me. My heart is set on just doing what God wants me to do, what God needs me to do to fill up his jigsaw-puzzle.

As such, for these 40 days from 1st July to 9th August, I’ll be both fasting and praying. My prayers wouldn’t be as simple as just a single-minute closure to quiet time, but more intensive prayers that lasts for quarter-hours that will consume me as I wait for His answer. It’s not exactly something new to me, but doing it consecutively for 40 days is definitely new and something I really look forward to. I’ll be fasting too, from lunch everyday for the next 40 days. Sure, given my skinny appearance, feather-light weight and puny BMI, it makes totally no sense at all to fast at all especially since I can’t even gain weight despite eating at least 4 massive meals a day. But fasting isn’t about dieting, losing weight or gaining fitness. It’s about drawing closer to God. It’s not a exchange thing where God will come for you the moment you fast, no. Instead, fasting is a voluntary action to abstain from food for personal reasons, and that’s what I’m doing, to be closer to the one I love. I’ve total faith that after these 40 days, the suffering will be worthwhile

Fresh Meat

In the 28th May 2011 issue of The New Paper, the cover page story reports the occurrence of Singaporean teenagers as young as 14 going to beach chalets to meddle with drugs behind drawn curtains and proceeding on with sexual intercourse, be it consensual or not. Drawing reference to gang members, they participate in group sex while under the influence of cocktail drugs. During these sex-and-drug orgies, there will obviously be more males than females, which leads to threesomes and gangbangs. Even gang members will offer their girlfriends to their ‘brothers’ and these females may not even remember a thing when they wake up the next morning, credits to the alcohol. Quoting Mr Alfred Tan, the executive director of Singapore Children’s Society, “The media’s portrayal of casual sex, and easy access to pornography have caused our youth to become more promiscuous than in the past.”

Personally, I feel that the only thing that the article did was to make known to the public that such an occurrence exists, and that not all beach chalets are as innocent as barbecues and playing poker cards. Of course then, the reason for me writing this article would be to voice out my own thoughts about such occurrences

It is no huge secret that teenage sex is very rampant in society today mainly due to widespread accessibility to pornography. Sex is no longer a taboo topic among the youths, and is widely gossiped about in teenage social circles. Occurrences such as gangbangs have always been actively practised ever since Annabel Chong’s widely-publicsed record-breaking attempt in 1995, and it’s not limited to only gangs. Typically any group of guys are capable of gangbangs, no matter whether they are from a gang or not. I know female friends who have been gang-raped by their male classmates, ladies who survive through a life of prostitution serving old uncles, girls who are being sexually abused by their boyfriends.. it is not just a matter of gangs as portrayed by the TNP article, but as guys in society as a whole. It is not a ‘worrying trend’, but an absolute disgusting nature of the consequences of men’s lust.

Uncovering the topic, sex is good. Sex gives you a out-of-the-world sensation that explodes your nervous system, an out-of-the-world pleasure that leaves you thirsting for more and in most cases, physical dominance over someone else. Ultimately, when you talk about sex in a relationship, you are already setting the ‘final goal’ of the intimacy you have with your companion. But let’s break the whole idea of intimacy down first. When you hold hands with your companion, that is physical intimacy. When you have a loving kiss with your companion, that is physical intimacy on a more intimate level. There’s nothing wrong with physical intimacy! It’s a means of affection and relief, and it creates a unique bond between you and your companion, strengthening your relationship.

So basically there are two questions for us to answer here:
1. Where do we draw the line between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy?
2. What is wrong with sexual intimacy?

First question would basically require a definition of sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is basically intimacy when it reaches the sexual level, which will encompass activities that are suggestive towards sexual intercourse. Sexual intimacy normally begins with light petting of the privates, and for most cases it is the guy touching the female breasts. The moment a relationship enters sexual intimacy, it is more than likely to progress to the famous mathematical equation of adding a bed, subtracting the clothes, dividing the legs and proceeding with multiplication. For me personally, I would feel that the moment touching of the breasts is involved, that’s where sexual intimacy starts. While it is true that physical intimacy does lead to sexual intimacy and sexual intimacy does has its positive points as similar to physical intimacy, I still feel that sexual intimacy is wrong.

When I say that sexual intimacy is wrong, I am basing it in the context of teenage relationships where marriage is completely out of question unless you apply for a special license from the Registry of Marriage, which is highly improbable in any case. Basing on my definition of sexual intimacy, indulging in it will lead to sexual intercourse, which is basically premarital sex.

Whether premarital sex is wrong, i suppose it is really subjective as to what we perceive sex to be. Simplifying all arguments and logical explanations that I can give (which can be saved for future posts), it boils down to whether it is a physical act or an emotional act. If sex purely a physical act for you, then I suppose there is nothing stopping you from having multiple sexual partners and an unquenchable hunger to devour any hot babe that walks by you. In that scenario, all I can really do is to pity you, because you have total disregard for your sexual partner feelings and the possible consequences arising from it. Even if your sexual partner is purely after the physical gratification too, emotions will arise when you figure out she’s damn good in bed and you want to have sex with her again. Emotions will be present even without consequences such as HIV or pregnancy!

For more responsible people who have certain moral values in them, we view sex as an emotional act, where love is the compelling force that encourages us to give our all and that sex will strengthen the emotional bond between the partners. That will place the relationship in danger of being reliant on sex to propel it forward. In other words, the relationship will reach a point where sex must be constantly engaged in so that it will not falter, and that shifts the focus of the relationship from love to sex, which will eventually destroy the relationship because the love will cease to exist and the relationship is for the sole purpose of physical glorification.

Moving back to the topic of gangbangs, guys have the responsibility to not engage in these activities even if it is consensual. Let’s face it, lust is everywhere. From the hardcore American pornography on a handphone to the girl in Orchard that wears that sexy black butt-hugging mini dress, we are all influenced by lust. But just because we are influenced by lust does not give us the excuse to act in accordance to lust. When ladies succumb to the temptation of lust, all the more the gentleman spirit in guys should stand out instead of giving way to selfish sexual desires, all the more we should be protective over them instead of fulfilling fantasies, and all the more we should respect them as an equal.

Back to school

It’s been a month since I’ve been admitted into Nanyang Polytechnic, and I’m more or less settled into this new schedule of life for me. Somehow, going back to studying after 18 months of holiday entrapped in the wilderness of the world, it feels great exercising my brain to work out questions that actually have mathematical values imbued in them.

Interactions with both classmates and lecturers have been positively. I just feel that my class is somehow greatly blessed by the Lord. Almost all my classmates know Jesus, be it through catholic descendancy, methodist upbringing or protestant beliefs. There’s this sense of strong unity in the class, with active encouragement ringing out in the class and us being always there for the weaker ones in every module. Obviously I’m having no trouble in any of the modules (so far), but the spirit of helping others especially in academia has long been in my heart, and I’ve written more essays on this particular topic than any other throughout my secondary school life. That’s one of the major reasons why I love the class I’m in. They live out some of the values and beliefs that I live by, fully believing in rising up as a class. Yes, there are obvious clear-cuts as to who are the better ones and the best in the class, but that does not and will hopefully never come in the way of class progression as a whole.

Given the high level of interaction and communication among ourselves, it’s hard to avoid the topic of my past, with common questions as to why I didn’t go RJC, why I chose the poly life and even choosing a course that has a cut-off point of 26. It’s unavoidable to leak out peaks of the harsh truth, but as time ticks on everyone has become accustomed to my personality, that ‘i am/was a RI boy but totally don’t look/behave like one’. Indeed, I believe my strong social skills have led to friendship ties that would otherwise have been forsaken as misconceptions of elitism in our society. As to the real reason why I really chose mechatronics engineering, again I’ll base my reason as a Godly choice. It’s based entirely on what He has told me and what He has in store for me, and I eagerly accept this direction of life despite it not being the usual course that I would have wanted. Yes I’ll grumble periodically and yes I’ll look back at my past and regret occasionally, but a life committed to Him is a life committed to joy and everlasting water, and I view this as an act of obedience and faith, that He will have plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

Life is different for me now, juggling with studies, 5 CCAs, church, 3 external organisation commitments, alumni loyalty and on top of all, social networking. The last is of particular priority not because of its leisurely nature. Serious networking requires lots of energy and time that could have otherwise been spent on personal development, but how can you love the world unless you start loving those around you? For me it’s an obvious choice; either shining so brightly that everyone covers their eyes when they see you, or shining at a brightness that everyone around you is accustomed to and will want to yearn for that kind of awesomeness. That’s how evangelism can take place, when everyone sees the reason to hear and believe in the good news

I’m feeling great and excited as to what’s in store for me. It’s hardly a secret that I’ll be aiming a GPA 4.0 and a position in the director’s list, that I’ll become a star in all the CCAs that I’m in, that I’ll contribute strongly to the external organisations and bring the alumni to greater height. Everything is pressing on my shoulders and the strength of the Lord keeps me from crumbling. I know what I do is nothing as compared to what my friends in other schools are doing, but at least I’m contented with what He has showered me with, and how great it is to serve such an amazing and loving God.

Pornography

An intriguing topic. Everyone has their own definitions, views and opinions about this cultural aspect of society. Be it sacred taboo or social norm among different groups of people, the basic understanding of pornography is that it’s something that’s related to sex.

My individual definition of pornography would be any form of media that causes sexual emotions. It’s very vague, because I view the topic of pornography on a very broad spectrum. But I do not plan to write on the definition of the term ‘pornography’, despite the fact that it’ll probably be a very informative article. All of us have our own definitions after all, and for most of us simply, pornography is a video that shows a guy having sex with a girl, and that it’s something guys feel the urge to watch due to their hormones that secrete some chemical into the brain that makes them horny. Definitions vary here and there (and may not be as elaborate as mine), but the main idea of what porn is is very much similar.

The key point of this article is our perspective of porn. Pornography is influencing our society, just as any other social norm (such as Facebook and smartphones) that revolutionises the way we interact with one another. That makes our perspective of porn very vital. Our perspective in this particular social norm affects the way we view the society we live in, influences our opinion on people who are engrossed/addicted to it, and actually allows us to examine our own moral values. This isn’t some exaggeration of how important one’s perspective can be, because perspectives are important! Your perspective of issues shows and reflects what kind of person you are, and what you’re made of.

Porn is a norm in our society, especially among the youths. That’s a fact. When almost every kid has a computer at home with accessibility to the Internet, and the Internet is filled with porn websites and enticing advertisements, it’s common-sense to put two and two together! When kids go through puberty and mature into teenhood, they get interested in the opposite sex; guys’ eyes seem to get attracted to some part of a lady’s body that seem to be growing at around the same time. But since it will obviously be obnoxiously rude to ask your female friend to remove her clothes for you so that you can stare/touch her body part, youths turn to pornography!

As a general rule for most of us, we know that our parents deem porn as wrong, and that we feel that it’s a generation gap thing. After all, our parents didn’t have much access to it and it was only available on the back ends of dark alleys where nobody wants to show their faces. These days, it has become a common perception that almost everybody has seen porn before (especially guys), be it out of curiosity or addiction. We view porn as one of the key ‘ingredients’ in a society, especially an affluent one such as Singapore. We generalize it as something that marks the maturity of a guy, similar to the stage in which a girl learns how to wear her bra. But just because it’s normal does not mean that it’s right! Not all social norms are morally right, or even necessary in its core place.

As much as I’ll hate to admit, it is true in plenty of cities and countries over America and Europe. The explanation of this statistic is logically simple; porn is a place where guys can release. It allows guys to relinquish in their sexual desires privately in front of their computers and bathe in their temptations which would otherwise have been unleashed on the streets criminally. In this perspective, there’s a common myth that porn controls guys in a world where sex is rampant. Let’s consider another common aspect of porn: It results in guys viewing girls as ‘sex objects’. This is true, despite the constant denial of most guys. Watching porn influences the mind, which in turn influences the eyes (if porn doesn’t influence you, there’s definitely no need to watch it, simple enough). The influence of the mind affects the perspective of the opposite gender, and viewing the opposite gender becomes a goal-orientated task: to fulfill fantasies. The eyes become potent daggers, awaiting the opportunity to shoot at somebody. And as porn becomes a social norm, girls are influenced too. They are swept into the mindset that guys are stereotypical in this area, and in a relationship this perspective creates a strain between the two parties, which will sometimes result in intimate touching, mutual masturbation and premarital sex. This explains the decrease in reported sexual crimes. As a society, the expression and release of sexual urges is considered normal, resulting in more acceptance among people of the consequences of porn as ‘normal’, thus more acceptance into the impulsive actions of guy friends. Porn is built on lust. It influences us, it gives us a  perception of the opposite gender that focuses on the genitals. Porn results in us looking at one another in a lustful world!

One of the main reasons why the USA economy collapsed was due to the herd mentality. Basically, you follow what your peers do (to follow the herd), not caring whether it’s right or wrong. In a phrase: jumping on the bandwagon. You wanna do what everyone’s doing and not what’s right. During the Bush administrations, banks were giving out house loans at unprecedented rate and resulting in a market bubble. There was plenty to gain from that, and anyone (who foresaw the bubble bursting) who didn’t do the same was probably laughed at by others for forsaking free money. Relating it back here, the growth of porn in society is due to the herd mentality! We do what everyone’s doing, and it naturally becomes what it is today: a social norm!But going back to why it’s not right; it’s essentially because it degrades our souls. It inflicts filthy impressions upon our minds and results in an unclean mindset. We start segregating our sexual being from our physical being. We begin to indulge in a sexual lifestyle that we do not want others to find out, that we do not want anyone to know about, because it doesn’t seem to be you! It doesn’t define you! It’s not you, you feel guilty doing it, but somehow you have to do it! Gradually, as your circle of friends grow more open to one another, you find out that others are also like you, and that’s where you feel more comfortable and less guilty-stricken. Porn is no longer a private affair, but something normal that everyone watches and jokes about. But tracing it back to its roots, is porn really just a means of social networking? Or something sinister that shouldn’t even be there, much more be classified as normal?

Hard truth, we need education instead of regulation. The herd mentality also works because it’s something we do in secret (originally), away from our parents, and that ‘secret’ is something we enjoy holding especially in our puberty years when we start to form our own opinions and drift slightly away from our parents. All around us, porn regulation is overwhelming with not much real education on what porn is about. The sex education classes conducted in schools once a year are almost like regulation classes, they do not educate on the real pressing issues of porn in our young society. We enjoy exploring something that is against regulation, to see what’s it all about. Ultimately, porn isn’t the answer to our sexual urges, it’s an excuse. The real answer lies in us exercising self-control and becoming self-aware. Porn does nothing but explodes the world of lust around us, trapping us in misconceptions about our sexual being!

The Power of a Dream

Cost of books and DVD: $137
Total cost of conference (especially in lost salary): $322.10

My church hosted the G12 Asia Conference 2011: The Power of a Dream from Thursday to Saturday of the week that just passed. And I’m not exaggerating on the amount of money that I had to let go just to attend all the sessions of the conference. In other words, you can say that should I not have gone for the conference, I will most probably be holding an iPod Touch in my hands right now. I’ve always preferred to measure using money, because it’s something realistic, and a loss in money is something that everyone can relate to. But screw the money, I’m exultantly jubilant! I’m enraptured! I’m ecstatic with I’ve gone through in the three days of the conference!
*Note that I’m not a very rich guy, and that amount of money means a lot to me hmm

The G12 Asia Conference is a conference that my church hosts every year, though this year was my first time attending it. Thank God for a mere $10 registration fee for FCBC students instead of the full $120. In the days leading up to the conference, I was really excited. I knew that the Lord wanted to change my life and I knew that I wanted to change for Him, and I was all ready to go to G12 conference and submerge myself into its holy atmosphere. I was ready for the Lord to give me a glimpse of what He had in store for me, what He wanted me to be and the dreams that He has birthed for me.

To be honest, I left the opening ceremony of the conference on Thursday night feeling disappointed. I couldn’t feel the atmosphere, I couldn’t calm my heart down to fully absorb the message, and my eyes were just roving around picking up small and tiny details that were left out of the event management committee. I’ve been organizing events without any prior experience at all for the past 4 years, and it just trains my eye to spot these minor details that should not be popping up during an international conference! I was having a slight heartache, which for me is always an obvious sign that something is not spiritually right. During the hour-long night bus ride home, I was just crying out to the Lord on why the conference did not meet my expectations. My standard of things were given by the Lord, why would the Lord disappoint me! Why would something which I’ve been looking forward to to do a complete renewal of my heart leave me crying deep down! I remember falling into a short nap, and waking up when the bus reached my stop. During the 15-min walk home from the bus-stop, the Lord answered me! That the G12 conference was not only a conference for us to receive God’s dream, the conference itself was built on dreams! It was built on the foundations of blessings and prayers! The conference was the communion for the church of Asia as we gather for heavenly worship and spiritual food. God was asking me to view the conference spiritually instead of physically! I got His word instantly and it changed my perspective of the conference. God made me shut up on my critics of the physical aspects of the conference and focused me on the spiritual aspect of the conference where I will find what I truly seek.

Listening to the various pastors preach over the next two days brought spiritual awakening to me. It made me feel as though I was a typical Sunday Christian. It made me feel that I wasn’t doing enough for Christ, how much I didn’t know about Him, how much more I could do for Him. It was the kind of experience where you actually look back on your life as though it was a movie and see what you’ve accomplished. What I realized was that movies don’t show thoughts, they only show actions. I spend most of my time thinking about what I should do, how my life should be planned out, how I should achieve the next milestone of my life, how I can do this, how I can do that.. that nothing was ever really done! The movie was just filled with Marcus sitting on his bed reading books, surfing the Internet and sleeping. Hardly any actions there. A lot of interactions with friends and close ones, but nothing concrete to improve my life and nothing concrete to serve Christ.

Dreams are aspirations, aspirations for the future. It was exactly what I was doing throughout ‘the movie’; aspiring. The change that God aspires for me, I know full well. I know deep-down in my heart that it is a God-driven dream! But the power of a dream is not about how great the dream is, nor is it about how the dream is going to change your life. The power of a dream lies in you taking the necessary actions to fulfill God’s dream for you. The power of a dream is YOU doing what must be done, YOU doing what God wants you to do, YOU dragging your ass out of the computer chair and reading the bible, YOU seeking the green pastures where the Holy Spirit speaks, YOU doing God’s will!

Of course, the dream that we have from God is part of his ‘almightly plan’. God has implanted his dreams into other people as well! When all these dreams come together, they work out to be what God desires for His people. So looking at it from another perspective, if you fail to act on your dream, the dream that God of all creation has given you, you are in fact delaying His ultimate plan for man! God can easily replace you with someone else after you’ve died, give the dream you never acted on to someone else, but YOU will be remembered as ‘the slacker’. In school, when we do group work, we ostracise the slackers. They cause everyone to do more work while they do their own ‘very important things’. Is that who you are? A slacker? Is that your identifier?

When God gives you a dream, God gives you responsibility.. the responsibility to see the dream come to fulfillment.